Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Groundhog month

I don’t have anything particularly new and exciting to report. And, my thoughts this month all center around the same theme—the continuity of IF. I was actually watching “Groundhog Day” the other day and got to thinking—IF is really just like “groundhog month.” You wake up on CD1 and have that sinking feeling that you haven’t gotten beyond yet. And, you go through the motions. Sometimes you’re upbeat and think this’ll be your month. Other times you’re down and can commiserate with Bill Murray’s character: “It’s going to be cold. It’s going to be dark. And it’s going to last the rest of your life.”

This month, I’m stuck somewhere in the middle. I alternate between being bitter and being optimistic that, if not this month, it’s going to happen for us very soon. I’m finally getting my HSG this month. I should have gotten it months ago—in August when I first went to our RE. But, after I got all the normal hormones tested and things seemed fine, we thought we’d wait a few months and see if it just happened. (Also, I’m a total fraidy cat about the whole thing. I just didn’t want to do it and was hoping to avoid it entirely.) Now I hope that I can get it over with this month, that everything will be normal, and that I’ll benefit from the slight uptick in fertility that happens the month of the HSG. (See, there she is again: hope.)

For me, CD1 is slated for either tomorrow or Friday. I didn’t chart or use the monitor or anything this month, so don’t know exactly. I can’t decide if I’m glad to be monitor- and thermometer-free. On the one hand, I’m certainly not obsessing about temps, etc. On the other hand, my temp would undoubtedly started to drop by now, which would be my cue. Instead, hope is hanging on just a bit longer this month—like it used to pre-charting. Though, even if (when) AF arrives as scheduled, there is some comfort in knowing that I’ll be doing something different this month. I know the HSG isn’t terribly novel, but at least it’s something.

Also, I’m actually leaving for Paris tomorrow night, which will provide a welcomed distraction from everything during what would otherwise be a fairly depressing part of the month. The only downside is that hubby isn’t going with me. I’m taking my 16-year-old cousin for a girl’s bonding weekend. It should be fun—she’s never been out of the country and is super excited.

So, there you have it.

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