Friday, February 16, 2007

IUI neophyte

So, I got a call on Thursday afternoon. It was the fertility clinic giving me my "instructions," which were:

1. Between 5pm and 9pm give myself the Hcg shot
2. Come in for IUI #1 on Friday morning at 7am
3. Come in for IUI#3 on Saturday morning.

"But, I already had a positive OPK, do I still need to give myself the shot?"


"Should I be concerned that I'm ovulating earlier than we wanted?"


"And, the doctor this morning told me that my lining was essentially too thin to support a viable pregnancy. Should I be concerned about that?"

"No. It's a little thinner than we'd like."

Um. Great. Thanks, you've been a huge help.

So, I followed my instructions carefully and went in for the first IUI this morning. But, I have to admit that I couldn't help but think how futile it was to get hubby and me up so super early in the morning to do this when things don't look too great this month. And, since my insurance only covers four rounds of IUI, it feels weird to have what seems like nothing more than a "throw away" cycle. (Wow. I sound really pessimistic, huh?) But, I certainly didn't want to be the one to cancel. If there's any hope, I want to move forward.

I talked to the doctor this morning. (I should mention that I see a different doctor with just about every different procedure I have to do, so it's actually not the case that I keep having the same exact conversation with the same person over and over again. Of course, I can't say that I'm overly excited about seeing a million different doctors. It's a little strange--especially when they give slightly different answers to similar questions. But, I digress.)

So, I asked this guy what he thought of my lining, and he also agreed that it didn't look great, and that next cycle we may very well want to move on to injectibles. I'm not taking it as an overly positive sign that all of the doctor's I've talked to are already talking about what our next course of action will be.

Of course, as an added bonus for hubby, his swimmers looked awesome. Go little guys. Although, I have to admit to feeling a little less than adequate that I can't seem to provide them with a more hospitable environment to do their thing. Helas...

On a semi-unrelated note, there is a potential advancement opportunity for me at work and I can't decide what to do. On the one hand, I have a lot of flexibility in my current job that I'd be giving that up with the new position. On the other hand, I think if I want a more senior leadership position, I need to move on. Of course, that brings up what I suspect is a very typical dilemma for an infertile: do I give up flexibility for career, when I'm really hoping to be pregnant/have a kid soon? On the other hand, as an infertile, hubby and I are getting pretty f'ing tired of "planning" around the possibility that we might someday be pregnant. Especially since, in our wildest dreams, we never thought we'd not have a kid by now, let alone not even be pregnant.

So, there you have it. I'm faced with a lot to ponder this fine weekend: how to balance career and family. Infertility. And how to balance infertility with abstract notions of career advancements and family. And, how they all intersect to make one very confused woman.

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