Thursday, March 29, 2007

Bored Beyond Belief

Last week, I asked rhetorically whether anyone else was bored with this whole IF thing. Well, let me tell you—I’ve gone from mild boredom to full-on ennui. Even my nightly gona1-f ritual has gotten boring. The shots don’t even faze me in the least. (So much so that I almost forgot to give myself my shot on Monday.) And, going in for monitoring has become so commonplace. I just pencil it in and go about my day. I don’t even care if hubby comes anymore because I’m so used to it. (I used to want him there.) I know all the nurses there now. We’re on a first name basis. I know when it’s busy and when it’s slow. I know the routines. I know to bring a book on Saturdays because they’re always behind. Bo-ring.

So, because I’m ungodly boring right now, you should check out Bumble and Tam, who both had great posts this week that are well worth reading about how quickly this all becomes comfortable and, even though we’re all desperate to get to the “other side,” we’re a bit afraid of what we’ll happen/how we’ll feel when we do. I so feel that. It feels like we won’t have the right to all of those feelings of apprehension and fear and frustration. Even if we know in our heads we can still have those feelings, it feels strange when you’ve tried so hard for so long to make it happen.

But, mostly, during this pre-IUI part of the month, I’m just feeling like I’m stuck in a rut, and I’m bored.

Thankfully, I have a ridiculous amount of work stress to keep me busy. (That’s got to be good for this process, huh?) Among other things, I have to give an annual review to a member of my team tomorrow that I already know is not going to go well. I’m not going to be rating him highly, and he’s going to freak out. (He’s already contacted an attorney and we haven’t even had the review yet.) So, really, good times all around.

Oh, and I’m turning 32 in about a month. Do you remember when 32 sounded ANCIENT? I thought we’d be getting around in flying cars and eating freeze dried food. (Hell, I remember when 25 sounded ancient. HA!) But, I’ve decided I’m not taking this next birthday lying down. In the spirit of taking control of that over which we have no control, I’ve decided that if I’m not knocked up by early May, I’m sticking at 31 until further notice. After all, they say younger eggs are better anyway.


Reproductive Jeans said...

25 was a HARD age for me--I think it was the whole "you are now as old as an antique" for me...
Tam and Bumble did make great posts--I enjoy ALL my community bloggers=) I learn so much from everyone...thanks for posting even on a boring day=)

Sarah said...

i kind of liked when it all started to seem boring. it did cause me to make some errors, like forgetting meds, but it was much less stressful. and it's nice when real life takes back over a bigger peice of the pie (although not so much when you have crappy things like bad reviews to deal with). hope that goes better than expected.

Baby Blues said...

I'd stick with "comfortable" boredom rather than "edge of your seat" action. Pre-IUI is like the part when you buckle up, get comfortable in your roller coaster seat, and it starts to glide through easy dips and turns. Working your way up for the big dip and loops.

But I know what you mean, it all seems routine to me. I never thought I would still be here. But I am. And it does get boring.

Tam said...

I so hear you chick...but i agree with BB, boredom is good for now, it's probably that that keeps us sane, I couldn't stand the early unpredictable days, funny thing is right now I feel a bit unpredictable...not nice, was hoping to be boring for the next week or so...Hang in there sweetie!!

Mands said...

I know what you mean. I think it's all the time in between as well. All the waiting around. Waiting for follies, waiting for trigger, waiting for 2 lines, wait wait wait - it's a real snoozefest!
I hear you on the age thing too. When I look around at people my age now, I see grown ups, and that scared the sh#t out of me, cos I don't feel like a grown up quite yet!
If my IVF fails, I think I will stay 30 for a while too. (Did I just jinx it?)

Bumble said...

Oh I knooooowwww, lets move onto something more interesting now! Its like being stuck in the same grade for 6 years! Bores the %$#& outta me!!!