Thursday, March 01, 2007

Sticky Bun to IF: Drop Dead

First, I did meet with the RE yesterday and, as predicted, he prescribed injectables. Of course, he and the nurse seemed shocked! shocked! that we were meeting with them to discuss the next course of treatment before AF came to town. How can this be so surprising?! Everyone told me how thin my lining was and that, while it wasn’t impossible to get pregnant this month, it was *highly* unlikely. Now, for all of us IFers out there, when you hear something is highly unlikely, are we the only ones that mentally prepare ourselves for the impending BFN by strategizing about what comes next? Because doc seemed genuinely surprised.

What’s more, as we discussed injectables, it became clear that getting the meds for this was going to be far more complicated than getting Clo*mid was. In fact, the insurance needs to approve the cycle before we can even order the meds. And, I need to start them on CD3. So, can someone tell me why it would be a good idea to wait until CD1 to even call for an appt with the doc?

In any case, the joke was on them. AF did indeed rear her ugly head this morning, a day early. Which, all things considered, was actually rather considerate of her. You see, if we had to wait until tomorrow to get the ball rolling on the insurance approval and ordering of meds, we probably would have missed this cycle because they need more than one business day to make it all happen. So, there you go. I suppose if she had to come this month, I’m happy to see her on a Thursday, so that we can likely get everything we need by our CD3 scan on Saturday.

This is just so romantic, isn’t it? Just how I always imagined babymaking to be…

In other news, while I was fully expecting AF this month, and had no hope that this round of IUI was successful, I still find myself really sad to see her. It just brings up all those feelings of, wow, we’ve really been at this a long-ass time. Are we ever going to get beyond trying. Are we ever going to see another elusive BFP? Because I’m well aware that the BFP is only the first step. There’s a whole host of other milestones to worry about after that. But, I’m so over trying to get to that first step. I get it. It’s hard. Can we move on please? Pretty please? With sugar on top? And a cherry? And maybe some sprinkles? (I’ll even call them “jimmies” if it will help…)

And, this whole “unexplained infertility” thing is really starting to wear me down a bit, too. I mean, there appears to be NOTHING wrong with us. Nothing. Hubby has not just good but great count and motility. I ovulate. My hormones seem fine. So, WTF?!? How is it possible that anybody EVER gets pregnant, that’s what I want to know?

Argh.

Hubby is trying to hard to keep his spirits up about it, too. “We’ve just run into a little bad luck,” he said this morning. I hate to be the pessimist, but an early miscarriage is bad luck. Or, taking more than a year to get pregnant is bad luck. Or, being one of the few people who respond poorly to Clo*mid is bad luck. All of the above combined, well, that’s just going beyond bad luck. It’s like we’re jinxed or something. And, doc told us yesterday that about 20% of women who go on Clo*mid get cysts as a result, which of course I knew. But, since we’ve fallen into the unlucky 15-20% every time so far (15% of couples don’t get pregnant after a year, 15% of women have poor lining on Clo*mid, etc.), I’m not liking my chances of sidestepping the cyst landmine. And, of course, if we do have cysts, we have to sit this cycle out.

Good times, as always…

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