Thursday, May 31, 2007

Not to make it about me, but...

Two posts in one day, I know what you’re thinking—what’s the occasion? Well I was just quietly surfing blogs and checking my email when I came across an email from this friend. I haven’t talked to her since that infamous lunch.* She had her baby today. A boy whom she says is the “cutest baby ever.” I couldn’t bear to look at the pictures…not just yet.

I can’t really explain why this pregnancy and birth affects me more than others, but it does. And now, in addition to feeling generally crappy about my own IF, I feel like a shitty person for not being super happy for my friends when they have babies.

Fuck. Will we ever get OUR turn?!

*In my defense, she isn’t one of my closest friends. And after our lunch I just couldn’t bear her fucking “let me help my poor infertile friend” pity.


hopeful to hateful in 28 days said...

I'm sorry it is hitting you so hard. I experience the same feelings every time I find out someone is pregnant.

I like the ice cream a day idea...sounds soothing to me :)

CAM said...

Yes, I feel the same way about one particular friend too! I can't even figure out why its her? It just is! I want to kick her in the shins when I see her (which I don't often - because, of course, I avoid her). Then comes the guilt of it all...its a vicious cycle.
I have also found the ads for that Knocked Up movie disturbing by the way! Especially when the actress says, "C'mon, its every girls WORST NIGHTMARE!" Oh yea? Well, it would be our dream come true!
I am hoping the best for you...when do you start the ivf?

Sarah said...

i think we all have that one person who just gets to us in this whole thing. very normal, don't beat yourself up over it. we do what we can do. i hope your turn comes soon.

Kate said...

I have a friend like that, too. I think it's because we started ttc at the same time and she was pregnant in a month. The pity thing is really unbearable. It's really hard, isn't it?