Wednesday, June 06, 2007

One of those days...

I had a meeting at one of our buildings that’s about an hour and a half away (with no traffic—with traffic last Friday it took me 3.5 hours to get halfway home before I gave up and stopped for dinner and a tall drink). You see, my team is split up into two geographies, so I end up spending about a day a week at the far-away office. But, I try to maximize those trips by scheduling a bunch of meetings all in the same day.

So, because I had a meeting I HAD to attend today at 3:30 at the far away office, I scheduled a bunch of morning meetings to maximize my time. I leave the house at 6am and trek all the way down there. About an hour after I get there, I get an email confirming the 3:30 meeting for TOMORROW, not today.

ARGH! And, oops. Nice work, sticky. (I looked into it. It was totally my fault—I just entered the day in my calendar wrong. ??? I’m clearly losing my mind.)

In any case, that the meeting was actually scheduled for tomorrow was problematic not just because it meant that I spent an extra day in traffic for nothing, but also because I had scheduled my IVF class with Smirky’s office for tomorrow afternoon. Crap.

Luckily, because Smirky’s office continues to be the most agreeable and responsive office ever, they let me switch the appointment to this afternoon. The downside was that hubby couldn’t come. But the upside is that I was able to get my pap and will get the results before I start my IVF protocol on the 27th.

While I was there, I asked about whether I should be concerned about my shriveling eggs. They assured me that my numbers were actually fine—for IVF. That was somewhat comforting, but the caveat left me not entirely convinced I have the eggs of a spry 32.

Of course, my worry is probably inextricably linked to the fact that I’m just feeling O-L-D lately. First there were the wrinkles. Then, I’ve recently discovered an alarming number of gray hairs on my head. And now the borderline high day 2 E2 level. (And, I wasn’t expecting that. My results from last August were fine. Great even. But now I worry because I know that your results are only as good as your worst reading, so last August’s reading is cold comfort.) Anyhow, the combo just has me feeling like I’m about 100.

But, as Matthew MF Miller wisely said in his comment yesterday, I shouldn’t let the worry consume me until I know there is something to worry about. And since we’re doing IVF next month, we’ll have a lot more data.

So this is me not worrying. (I know what you’re saying—what the hell do you look like when you ARE worried? It’s frightening, I assure you.)

What I am worried about, though, are those intramuscular injections. Yikes! How bad are they? Seriously…I need to know…the nurse showed me the needles today during my class and I gasped. I’m such a wuss…

Also, hubby and I have to fill out all of these consent forms about whether we’re open to ICSI, PGD, freezing, and what we’d do with frozen embryos in the event one of us died, or divorced, or stopped paying the storage fee.

It was a sobering reminder of my concerns about IVF, to say the least.

But, I’m still feeling as ready as I’ll ever be to move on. And I can feel hope eeking her way in again ever so slightly. She’s such a glutton for punishment, what can I say.


Sarah said...

i think we all worry that we've let time go on for too long and we're getting too old. it's only natural when we're so eager to answer the big WHY ME? the IM injections though, now THOSE are worth worrying about! :) they're scary, and they're not fun, but ultimately it's only a momentary stick. you CAN do it!!

by far the scariest thing for me was those consent papers. when they gave them to me at the end of 2005 after a bunch of failed IUIs, i think that may have been the tipping point that made us decide to take a year off. but i came back ready for it, signed away, and turns out there was nothing to worry about. freezing? leftovers? HAHAHA! if only!!

Ms. Planner said...

Sticky, I am so proud of you, tackling this thing called IVF. The thing we've got to remember about infertility is that it is temporary: we either adopt or get pregnant (somehow). And you've managed this far for a long time. I am certain that you will manage this too. What's a super tough month or two in the scheme of life? I know you can handle it.

xoxo, Ms. Planner

Erin said...

Ugh, what a sucky day! And no one to blame the scheduling conflict on but yourself. ;) That’s always the worst.

I’m glad to see you’re “not worrying” about things and I’m glad your RE had encouraging news for you! For the IM injections, do you mean the hCG or are you doing PIO? I did IM hCG (well, W did it) and it was so smooth. I barely felt it. I iced the area first, and then I laid down on the couch, ass up, so I had absolutely no weight on my leg. I turned on some crappy, but engaging tv and focused on that. Then he massages a bit to spread the drugs around. He’s done it to me twice now, and both times were a snap. I don’t have any experience with PIO, though. All I’ve read is to try to get it in super thin oil (sesame, maybe?) and inject it very slowly. You’ll do great!

Laura, the (reluctant) baroness said...

The gray hairs are popping out on my head as well. When did this happen?

I am incredibly excited for you! I imagine moving on to IVF must be scary, but you're doing it and you're going to do great.

Smirky's office sounds like a good find.

Carrie said...

Feeling old is a hard one, hu? (Of course I wish I was 32) but there are no guarantees, no matter what your age. I'm sure this IF carry on really magnifies the whole ticking clock feeling.

All those forms really freaked me out too. I suppose they are necessary but it is hard thing to think about. I'm trying the not worrying thing too.

I'm sorry about your wasted day.

Allformybaby said...

I was suprised when my RE office told me to do my hcg shot subq. This first time I went through(I was a donor) it was IM, so doing it subq was a breeze, but if you are doing PIO it must be done IM!! EEWW the idea of PIO in the tummy...ouch! Much better in the tookus! I know people have done the thigh, but everyone I have spoken to had leg pain afterwards. Good luck, and if it is the hcg you can ask them if you can do it subq. Hope that helps some. Good luck!

Leah said...

I was so happy to see your post end with a mention of our fickle friend Hope. I will have my fingers crossed that this IVF journey is easy and short!

As for the IM shots, they aren't much fun. They aren't like having a root canal or anything, but they sure don't feel *good*. Regarding how to prep for them, I've tried every suggestion offered to me -- ice beforehand, ice afterwards, heat afterwards, standing up, lying down, etc.

For me, what seems to work is good, old fashioned "doing nothing." I lie face down on the bed or couch, Kevin selects a spot and pokes it with his finger to make sure it isn't wildly sore already, then he just sticks the needle in. Yes, it hurts, but it's all over in less than a minute. I don't do ice or heat or anything else. I do, however, do the shot around 8pm and then make a point to get up and move around (do dishes, pick up the house, go for a walk, etc.). That seems to help disperse the oil. I've been told that if you do the shot and then hop into bed and go to sleep, it will pool into a lump in your butt. That doesn't sound like much fun.

I do have to say, though, that after 3 or 4 days of PIO, my whole butt is sore. It's definitely sore when it bumps against something like a wall or chair, but it's crazy sore when I try to exercise or jog in any way (which is another fabulous reason to just stay away from that whole jogging nonsense anyway).

Probably the only thing that would truly help is if you got stinking drunk every night and passed out prior to the shot. :-) But that's not really a good idea, so let's just forget I mentioned it, okay?

Belly Laughs said...

I have to agree with Leah -- we have tried every suggestion over the course of three cycles, and the most comfortable is nothing (no ice, no heat, nothing). And my hubby is very good at just sticking the needle in and doing it. You will feel a momentary poke and it does hurt...but it is not that bad. It does get sore though and walking is painful for me...but it's for a good cause - just remember that!

TMI -- And I think the prometrium (which are the suppositories some places let you beg for, instead of the shots) are not that great either. After a day or two, it is sticky and goopy and you have to put your fingers way up and the little pills slither around...I will take the shot any day...

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

It sounds to me like you have the worry under control. How could anyone not be worried at all?

I know the feeling about being old. Turning 35 in April was a kick to the gut. Now I am one of *those* women who's fertility declines by the minute.

Good luck with the cycle!!!My fingers and toes are crossed for you!!!

tipsymarie said...

we are in exactly the same place. i keep expecting to wake up each morning and have some kind of IVF epiphany.