Monday, July 02, 2007

Fuck this

Yup, that’s how I’m feeling right now. I went in for my monitoring appointment this morning and there is basically nothing going on in the ovaries right now. I don’t know if this is because my eggs are indeed drying up or because he was just way too conservative with my dosage. Here’s how it went down today:

First, I got my blood drawn. I told the nurse that I had started spotting, and she said that was probably no big deal, perfectly normal. (I NEVER spot mid-cycle.) Okay, good. No worries.

Then, I go in for my ultrasound. When Smirky comes in, I told him about the spotting, and he gave a very strange look. I asked, “is that normal? Is it good? bad?” He said, “well, it’s not normal, and it’s not good, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad. It probably just means that your E2 is still low.”

Awesome. Fucking Day 6 of meds.

He starts the ultrasound. There is still some “fluid” in my uterus (hence the spotting, I suppose). And, he pokes around the ovaries and basically sees nothing. A bunch of 4-5mm follicles. He says they like to see a handful of 10mm follies at this point.

So now I start to worry. “Is this bad?”

“Well, it’s not good. It could be that we started you out too low. I started you on a low dosage because of your age, etc. But, it could be that you’re not responding well and we might need to cancel this cycle.”

“Um…so, I need to worry, then? This doesn’t sound good to me.”

“Don’t worry yet. I’ll let you know when it’s time to start worrying. We’ll probably up your dose again tonight, and if things kick in just a little late, then things could be fine.”

Could be fine. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkk.

So, I don’t know about you, but I read that to mean that, chances are, things are going to suck this cycle. But there’s a chance (a small one) that we can salvage it.

I cried the whole way to work. I’m about to start crying just typing this right now. I really, really, REALLY don’t want this cycle to be cancelled. And for poor response nonetheless. Fertility g*ds, PLEASE, can ONE FUCKING THING go right for us?!? Please?

I just don’t know what to do. I’m waiting to hear back from the nurse right now. I expect my dose of both gona1-f and men0pur to be upped. But now I’m even more convinced that my eggs are drying up. So, I need help.

They started me on 75ius of men0pur and 150 of gona1-f. And that’s clearly doing next to nothing. So last night they upped me to 150 of men0pur.

What were your protocols like? Is it the terrible sign that I think it is that I don’t have a bunch of little follies growing at this point with that dosage?

Oh, and to add insult to injury, the insurance stuff is a NIGHTMARE. It’s not fixed. And I have less and less hope that it will be. Oh, and I think I broke my toe yesterday.

All in all, I’m having an awesome fucking July so far.


Carrie said...

Aww. You poor thing, this is so unfair. It's bad enough to have to do all this stuff without extra things to worry about.

I'm praying (but not literally) that the extra dose will kick everything into overdrive and this cycle will continue. Please let it continue.

Will be thinking about you. Stay strong x

Erin said...

Ugh - that's such a drag. To go through the shots and everything thinking it might all be for nothing. But try to stay positive! Maybe your follicles are just late bloomers, or the extra meds will kick them into gear!

My protocol was 420 follistim & 75 repronex, so there wasn't much room for upping the dose. Although I will be taking even more this next time around. Fut times.

Good luck and I'll be crossing my fingers for you!

nancy said...

I'm so sorry! But if you want to have hope (and yes, i am in complete agreement that hope fucking sucks) I was a late egg producer this month. I was onlyon oral meds though (100mg clomid) and on cd9 I had just a few 5-7mm follicles and he said he wanted to see 10mm. On cd12, I had a 15mm one and cd16 I had a 20mm one. So yes, on stims you would definitely have more than me, but I am proof that the could can end in a will.

I hope your upped meds does the trick. We're rooting for those follies. Grow, follies, grow!!!

Amy said...

Oh Sticky, that sucks. But I will tell you that there is lots of room to up your dose. I've been on 225 Follistim and 300 Menopur. Although I'm probably close to maxing out. Last cycle I didn't need nearly as much. I'm at day 10 and they still haven't canceled me yet. Don't dispair, an increase in dose could make a big difference.

Good luck with the insurance geeks. Email me if you want to talk:
amybadervmd at yahoo dot com

Mary Ellen and Steve said...

Oh Sticky I am so sorry. I have always been a slow starter. For my last cycle I did 2 amps of Repronex and 150 IU of Follistim. Are they talking about upping your meds? Thinking of you.

Becks said...

You may not remember but I had theexact same thing happen to me on my first and second follies just weren't doing what they should. They let me carry on with stims longer than normal and I ended up going to retreival and got 4 eggs. Don't give up hope, thinking of you.

Reproductive Jeans said...

Uggggggg....I am just holding out all kinds of hope that your body is just taking a second to realize what is going on! I have hope that your follies are getting into gear! Just keep on the doc to tell you what you want to know! Ill be thinking of you!!!!!!

Kate said...

I am so sorry. That sucks.

Amy said...

Oh I am sooo sorry that your day is turning out like this. I really hope that increasing the dosage does wonders. Many hugs to you.

Laura, the (reluctant) baroness said...

I wish I had something to say to make you feel better. That sucks, and I am really sorry. Maybe the increased stim dose will get those follies in shape. Hange in there.

Tam said...

Oh I am sorry sweetie, none of this is easy and it makes it 10 times worse when things don't go as planned.

I was only on menopur for stimms so my drugs were rather different, I was 225iu.

I am praying that upping your dosage will do the trick. Hugs xxx

Sarah said...

just checked my protocol, and of course we're all different and all of that, but just for comparison, i did 75iu menopur plus 225iu follistim (does the same thing as gonal-f but not sure if the doses would be equivalent). it helped that they'd had a year of watching me respond on inject/IUIs so they had a good guess what i needed.

not to blow sunshine up your ass, but it is better to start slow than too fast or have just one or two large ones. it's still early enough to control what happens from here. fingers crossed for you SB!