Wednesday, July 04, 2007

So glad I cancelled THAT dinner!

First, thank you so much for your support over the last few days. I know it's sounds cliche, but I can't tell you how much it means to me to be able to vent and get thoughts and advice from people who so fundamentally get what I'm going through. I feel so fortunate to have found this community, and thank you SO very much for your support!

I don't have anything new to report on the ovaries. I go back in for another u/s and b/w tomorrow. And I'm hoping with everything in me that things look better. I had a bunch of 4-5mm follies last time. So, I'm hoping for the same number of 10-11mm follies this time. I *think* that would put me back on track. So, taking JJ's lead, I'm trying to coach my ovaries. Let's see if it works!

In other news, lest you think I’m just a paranoid infertile who fears non-existent pregnancy announcements that she is convinced are lurking around every corner, it turns out I was dead right about this friend. She’s pregnant.

Yup, that’s right. She was trying to plan a dinner to announce the blessed news in person—the day after her nuchal translucency scan.

Oh yeah, did I mention she’s thirteen fucking weeks pregnant? And that that means that she already knew she was pregnant when she took me out for dinner for my birthday. Which means that she flat out lied to me. We had a fucking conversation about how they’d been trying since November, about how her cycles were still not really regular after going off the pill, and it was hard for her to know when she was ovulating, etc.

Either that, or it’s not going to be a problem at all because she was already fucking 6 weeks pregnant.

And, to be honest, I don’t know what I’m more angry about—that she didn’t tell me in May and instead concocted a story about how they were kind of struggling, or that she waited 13 weeks to tell me and tried to plan an in-person surprise.

Or maybe I’m still ticked about the “we’re losing the baby race” comment from months ago. Because, frankly, I’ve never gotten over that. And that, combined with this, tells me that she’s not even trying to see any of this from my perspective.

And yeah, I know that it’s partially my fault because I haven’t been fully keeping her in the loop. But, you don’t need to be a rocket scientists to do the math that 2.3 years plus one pregnancy plus zero children doesn’t quite add up. And that it might call for a little more consideration on her part.

Humpf. More evidence that fertiles just. don't. get. it.


Becks said...

Gut instinct is such a good indication. Glad you didn't have to face the dinner because that would have been torture.

Why can't people play down pregnancies? I know I would if I got there.

Hope the u/s and b/w go well tomorrow, lets concentrate on you now and not the ones who just DON'T.GET.IT.

Jennifer said...

First things first: I'm so sorry all this is happening to you.

Is it possible that at 6 weeks she actually didn't know she was pregnant? Especially if her cycles were irregular, and she was anticipating trouble getting pregnant, it doesn't seem like much of a stretch to me that she might not have known.

That doesn't excuse her insensitivity on the dinner, but might it be better -- for you -- to give her the benefit of the doubt on the earlier conversation?

Amy said...

Awwh Sticky, that's a case where its just no fun to be right. And at such a crappy time too.

I have to agree with jennifer a little though. Maybe she didn't know yet she was pg or maybe it was so early that she didn't want to say (as most people don't). You might have to breathe and cut her a little slack on that one. But its easy to get wrapped up in your frustration, so I totally understand. And is sounds like perhaps she is not one of those super close friends anyway, no?

Hoping you bw & us are good tomorrow and your ovaries are soldiering on!

chicklet said...

Seriously, this couldn't have been more me in your wording of it. I have a couple friends who flat out lied as well, and when I found out later, I couldn't decide if I was more pissed that she lied or that they were all having all these wonderful-announcement-moments and I wasn't a part of any of it - even though I really didn't want to be anyway. I get really pissed off knowing people don't tell me on purpose - just email me or do it gently, fuck, don't lie!

Good luck with the ovaries tomorrow.

The Oneliner (Christina) said...

who the? how the? what the? total b.s. your little friend there needs a little lesson IN EMPATHY. good freakin' grief.
gimme an O! gimmie a V.....
what's that spell??OVARY!
would you like me to come over with my pom-poms are no?

megan said...

i'm glad you cancelled that dinner too. it must be instinct. . . just a few hours ago i didn't pick up the phone at work and sure enough it was my pregnant friend that i just can't talk to yet...

you're right that 2.3 years plus one pregnancy plus zero children doesn’t quite add up, but neither does your friend's behaviour. i'm sorry, sticky.

Amy said...

Your instinct was so dead on. I'm glad for your sake that you canceled dinner. I'm sorry that your friend, who seems to have played a huge role in your life, just doesn't get it. I really hope this doesn't hurt your friendship but its also totally okay to take a backseat for awhile so you can deal with this on your own terms.

Also, I'm hoping its good news on your next visit with your RE. I agree with Becks- just concentrate on that and get through this one day at a time.

Hugs to you :)

Kate said...

I'm glad you listened to your gut. I went to a dinner like that a few months ago and I KNEW I should have stayed away and so I had to sit there with a smile on my face. Good luck tomorrow. :)

Dianne/Flutter said...

So glad you avoided that disaster. And for what is worth, your anger is completely and totally justified. I hate people sometimes.

Reproductive Jeans said...

Nope they done. Never will....Im sorry you had to hear that. What crap.
Go ovaries go!!!!

LIW (Lady In Waiting) said...

I honestly don't think that I could sit through a dinner with her. It is one thing for her to keep her pregnancy quiet when it is so early (or maybe she didn't know because her cycles were so irregular?), it's another to plan some formal announcement. Even if she did know at 6 weeks, she should never have put on an act.

I am SOO very sorry that another friend has let you down.... All of us certainly understand that experience!!!

Good luck tomorrow...


Ann said...

Such bad timing--a pregnancy announcement in the middle of a challenging IVF cycle.

Just remember, though, that you're under the influence of a shitload of hormones and stress. Thus, this whole thing may be bothering you a lot more than it would under normal circumstances.

Hang in there! Here's hoping those eggies have gotten their butts in gear.

Coffeegrl said...

Oh Sticky. Ugh. I swear it's most disappointing when our friends let us down. I'm so sorry that she couldn't find a more compassionate way to handle the situation.