Thursday, August 02, 2007

5w0d

Today marks one week since beta #1. It's hard to believe it's only been a week; it seems like so much more time has gone by than that. (Perhaps because I've sweat every single day...er, every single minute, rather.)

The good news is that we got our beta results back and things still look like they're progressing well. I'm at 3,455, up from 1,224 Monday, which is a doubling time of exactly 48 hours. (Way to be precise there, sticky buns!)

To say I'm relieved is an understatement. In our first pregnancy, by beta #3, things were already starting to fall apart and I was already starting to miscarry. So, to have crossed that third beta--and that our numbers are way higher than we've ever gotten before--feels really, really good.

On the other hand, it's still so early and it's hard to believe how many more weeks of pins and needles we have to sit on. (Trust me, I'm so not complaining! I feel so wonderfully fortunate and blessed. But, that terror that things might somehow take a turn is still there. I hope it wanes with time, but I seriously doubt it'll ever completely go away.)

On the news front, one of the tough things right now is that I know a handful of people suspect we're pregnant, and keep trying to get me to tell them. At the wedding this past weekend, one of my friends turned to me at the end of the night and said, "by the way, you're not fooling anyone" and gave me a hug. (Damnit! I thought I was acting my ass off during the champagne toast!) She and another friend called me last night and kept bringing pregnancy up, and I knew what she was trying to do. And a third emailed and did likewise.

The problem is, I'm nowhere NEAR ready to tell anyone outside of my parents and one or two very close friends. It just all feels way too early; too tentative.

The funny thing, though, is that, if things went south, these are friends who I would likely share my story with. And yet, I'm not ready to share in the good news. It almost seems unfair to them. And to me! Like, I'm more comfortable at this point commiserating about bad news than getting excited about good. Isn't that funny?

Anyhow, for now I feel good. I can even almost say "I'm pregnant" out loud. (Almost.)

So, for now, here's to our little sticky buns and that they keep on keepin' on! And, here's to a very successful step 3! Step 4 (the first ultrasound to see the gestational sacs) is on Monday.

11 comments:

Ann said...

I've been away for a while--congratulations! I know what you mean about not wanting to tell people; it just seems wrong to have so many other people celebrating when you don't feel like bringing out the party favors just yet.

serenity said...

I feel the same way, and thankfully my friends are all sensitive enough NOT to say anything.

Do what you have to do. If you don't take the bait, maybe they'll stop asking? :)

Kelly said...

What a relief! Personally, I dont like the way your friends are baiting you so that makes me want you not tell them even more! You don't deserve to feel guilty for not sharing YOUR news!! This is your news and you can share it at the 40th week if that makes you feel comfortable! I also found it hard to tell my friends bc they got so obviously excited and I just couldnt go there quite yet. Been there, done that. Family was different, but I know what you mean with friends. I sent an email to some friends bc I just couldnt keep doing it over and over...I'll show you what i wrote - they all knew the test was coming up so I had to tell them something. Good luck on the u/s! Will you see a heartbeat then? Mine is next Friday

Kelly said...

This is the email I sent to some of my friends who knew the test was coming up or had passed: I had to say something

I haven't posted it on the blog yet, but to make a long story short, i am pregnant. im not celebrating yet bc we havent heard/seen the heartbeat yet as we will do that next friday, 8/10! My numbers are really strong, but im too nervous to celebrate bc we've been here before - I was going to call you with the good news, but I'm not at the place to "hoop and holler" yet. It's hurts too much to "un-whoop and un-holler". I'll celebrate after i see/hear the heartbeat!! THINK GOOD THOUGHTS FOR THE NEXT TEN DAYS! KEEP PRAYING PLEASE!! I KNOW IT'S WORKING!!
~Nervous as Shit Shelly

Meghan said...

Sorry your friends are acting that way. Glad your beta #'s look good and looking forward to you posting those ultrasound pics!

Waiting Amy said...

I'm happy your numbers are so great! That is wonderful!

I think it is probably hard to tell friends (even good ones) that you are pg, because they are unlikely to show the same restraint in their celebrating that an IFer would. Not that we are not thrilled to slap you on the back! But I think it is hard for others to understand an Ifer's trepidation with such a fresh positive.

And like others have said ... its your news to share when you are ready. But I feel so special that I get to know. Na, na, na, na, nah!

Ms. Planner said...

WHEEEEE on the betas!!!

I am sorry your friends are trying to goad something out of you. It is your path, your pregnancy. After all that you have been through, you surely deserve to announce it to whom and when you wish.

Sarah said...

CONGRATULATIONS on fabulous beta #3!!!!! i'm so happy for you, and so glad to hear about the (tentative) excitement you seem to have about making it this far.

you're so right, the terror doesn't go away, but at least time does start to move much faster.

Nearlydawn said...

Woo Hoo! Great numbers!

You are totally right to not tell until you are ready... Don't let them bait you. However, I found it hard to lie, so I just did non-commital answer about "if" and "when".

Hang in there!

megan said...

fantastic beta numbers! yea!
you'll share the good news with your friends when you're ready...
also? please don't feel you have to justify your nerves and jitters...the first trimester can be nervewracking. you should be able to feel as if you can let all of your emotions hang out here...it's your blog. i hope that with time you're able to relax into this pregnancy and that the terror level goes down to nil.
also, thanks for your nice email and comment on my blog....you're a sweetie.

Coffeegrl said...

I'm so glad that things are progressing nicely so far. I completely understand the need to be cautious and try to cope with things without everyone else getting all amped up and out of control (because we know they do) which only seems to make things more confusing and ultimately harder. Hang in there!