Monday, October 01, 2007

Suddenly silent

It’s been a while since I’ve posted, and I'm so sorry for becoming suddenly silent. I’ve actually started about five different posts, but they all seemed so unbelievably trite and boring, I couldn’t bring myself to post them. You see, the truth of the matter is that I have virtually nothing to say, which on the one hand isn’t the worst thing in the world since I’m usually just bitching about something. ☺

On the pregnancy front, things have been mercifully boring since my last scan—no appointments, no scans, no spotting, nada. (A trend I hope continues indefinitely.) So I'm working to take no news as good news—but I still haven't been able to bring myself to let my parents tell the rest of the family. And I haven’t told most of my friends yet (except those I talk to or see all the time). I know—I’m a freak! It just still feels all so surreal. We do have a big 90th bday party for my grandmother in two weeks, so I’m going to have to let my dad spread the news before then. I think I’m just still not ready for all of the congrats calls from more distant people. It still feels so personal that I want to hold it closer to the vest.

Oh, and on the fear thing—yeah, it’s still there (bla, bla, bla). But, it’s (mercifully) starting to fade to the background, if only a bit. The only way I can think to describe it is like the aftermath of a panic attack. I don’t feel the ongoing panic—the rapid heart rate and difficulty breathing—but only because there’s only so long that your body can stay in that constant state of panic. At some point the fear has to fade to the background and make way for life. And it’s not that you feel better, or that you’re over it per se. But you do find a way to move on. And, in this case, I’m hopeful that the excitement will start more and more to fill in that space.

In other news, I’ve had to break down and buy some maternity clothes—three pairs of pants, to be exact. Two for work and one pair of jeans. They’re super comfortable—I actually recommend them for anyone. I swear, if I had had these on those extra-bloated days, my “fat” wardrobe would have been transformed. I realize that the secret to these pants is that they fit elsewhere, so aren’t super frumpy. They just have a fabulous elasto-waist for more give in the stomach. I seriously think they should just start selling them as pms pants.

Oh, and in other random news, I was at a wedding this weekend and the woman who sang at the wedding—whom I’d never met before and whose name I don’t even know—came up to me as she was leaving and said, “Is there a baby in there?” I was stunned. Particularly because this was my boss’s wedding and there were work people all around and I thought I was working my ass off to cover it up. And, since when is that an appropriate question? I swear, had she ever come up to me when I was bloated post-cycling, I would have wanted to drop kick her. Instead I stood there like a deer in headlights and denied it. Nice, huh?

So, there you go. I promise to think of something more interesting to blog about—and to stop dropping off the face of the blogosphere for days at a time. ☺

14 comments:

Waiting Amy said...

Welcome Back. I'd been wondering what you were up to! Glad things are okay, and hoping you can keep experiencing a little more joy as each day goes by.
:) :) :)

Tam said...

Glad that you are back and that everything is still going well. Maternity pants eh? Things are starting to happen. Once you feel comfortable, we need a ticker to tell us how far along the little stickies are!! Lots of love xxx

Caro said...

Good that things are going well.

Somewhat Ordinary said...

Glad to hear you are doing well! I have a pair on today and it is so much nicer than having buttons and seams poking you everywhere!

serenity said...

You know, I've found that the more you start telling people, the easier it gets to accept it yourself. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but god I was TERRIFIED to tell people - that I was going to jinx it by saying it out loud. But after telling our family, it's gotten so much easier to say it out loud that I'm actually going to tell people at WORK.

(Plus I'm starting to show, so I think they know that something's up.)

Anyway. I'm glad to hear that you're doing well. Uneventful is a good thing. May the fear continue to ebb and excitement begin to take its place shortly!!!

JJ said...

Good to see you back in blog-land=) SO glad things are "boring"--boring is gooooood!

Diana said...

Thanks for the update, we don't like it when bloggers are gone for 2 weeks (unless on a pre blogged about vacation)!!!! Glad you are doing well and enjoying your pants!

Carrie said...

Yeah for boring! Glad you're doing ok.

chicklet said...

When the lady asked, you should've said no - to see how uncomfortable it made her:-)

Ms. Planner said...

Welcome back Sticky.

And you know what? You SO deserve boring. Boring. Boring. Boring. What could a gal who had made it to the other side of IF wish for? :)

Sarah said...

glad things are going so well! you're so right, it is more like you learn to live with the fear or somehow get back to daily life than that the fear goes away, per se. but to me that's separate from the fact that it does start to get more fun and exciting. the fear doesn't have to ruin it, it's just always there. fear and joy don't have to be mutually exclusive.

great to hear from you! busy and neglectful as i've been of the blogosphere, i've missed you!

Ms. Planner said...

Hey Miss Sticky Bun, merci beau coup for your lovely shout out on my blog the other day. I plan on re-reading your early pg blog posts because I think you really understood how just getting the second line doesn't mean you are home free. It is a conflicting time for sure but I am glad I am surrounded by lovely women who *get* it.

Thanks again for being my blog friend.

Ms. P

Erin said...

Hey fellow twin-mom to-be! How crazy is this?? I'm glad to hear things are boring for you and that you're loving maternity pants. It gives me so much to look forward to! Do keep us updated, though, even if it seems boring to you! Or just find yerself something to bitch about. I mean, there's got to be SOMETHING!

Thanks for your congrats!

megan said...

so glad to hear that all is well. i totally get the inclination to go silent. sometimes it's all i can do to get it together to speak to ANYONE right now i'm still so anxious about things. how far along are you? i'm only 13w today and i'm already thinking seriously about maternity pants!