Thursday, February 21, 2008

Milestones...

I feel like, since I started BCPs last June, I’ve tracked this IVF and this pregnancy in terms of milestones—hurdles that, once reached, seemed meaningless and insignificant compared to those that lay ahead. It’s almost made me feel secretly ungrateful—like I couldn’t be happy for where I was. Rather, I’ve always looked forward to see where I could be and worried that I wouldn’t get there.

I can only imagine how annoyingly frustrating that must be/have been to those of you in the trenches. But, for better or for worse, that fear, or disbelief, or worry, has been front and center since the beginning.

Today feels a little different, though. Today, I am 34 weeks pregnant. My Ob tells me that I’ve reached the point where, were I to show signs of labor, they’d just let me deliver; they wouldn’t do a thing to stop it.

Sure, we’d like them to stay put for another month. But, it seems that today marks the point at which, if the stickies are that eager to meet us, doctors have every reason to believe that they would have just as good a chance as anyone of leading trouble-free, healthy lives.

Of course, I know that is no guarantee that things can’t go south. But really, that’s life. Things could go south at any point in our and in these babies’ lives. And the thing is, while I’ll never stop worrying about them and about their well being, I can’t let that worry consume me indefinitely.

And so, for some reason, crossing this milestone today is helping make this real and is helping me rise above my fear, if only a bit. I’m beginning to see that four weeks—maximum!—is not a lot of time to put the finishing touches on my maternity leave plan. I’m beginning to see the need for the pediatricians we’ve started to interview. And I’ve started to realize that it’s not completely ridiculous to put car seats in the back seat of our (tiny) car.

And, as I realize that we need these plans, it’s allowing me to start focusing on actually meeting the stickies and holding them in my arms. In fact, this morning, as hubby and I lay in bed before we got up, I pictured waking up one morning in the not-too-distant future and bringing our two little babies into bed with us and snuggling together. As a family.

And that made me really happy.

5 comments:

E said...

Ohhh! That makes me happy too! Congrats on meeting this huge milestone.

I'm sure she wanted to wait, but it looks like your pg pal, J Lo, went ahead of you. I just know you guys will chat on the phone to talk about how her delivery went. Be sure to let us plebes know how she's doing! ;)

Belly Laughs said...

Congrats on reaching 34 weeks!!! Huge milestone!!!

Ms. Planner said...

Your milestone makes me so happy, too. Congratulations! You have earned every one of those warm and happy feelings.

And THE ROOM! A-freaking-dorable. Especially those quilts. I almost wrote to you asking where you got them but then saw that Grandma Sticky MADE them for you - too precious.

March is nearly here!

Diana said...

I am sooo glad that made you happy, it is a really wonderful thing!!! You will be a mommy soon!!

anna said...

34 weeks- yey!!! congrats! I know what you mean about feeling like I just hold my breath until the next milestone, and once reaching that one, start holding my breath to get to the next step. I'm holding my breath for 1.5 more weeks when I get to 34 weeks. I'm so happy you can breath easier already....soon the stickies will be here!!!