Monday, December 29, 2008

Back to the mines

So, I did it. I called Smirky's office this morning for the first time in more than a year. It was funny, actually. I really didn't know what to say. The receptionist--the sweetest woman in the world--answered the phone and I stammered:

Um...er...I don't know if you remember me, but, well, um, I got pregnant a year ago June thanks to you and had twins 9 months ago. Well, um....er....I...well, um, I have two frozen blastocysts and we'd like to come in for a consultation because, well, I guess....well, I mean, we're thinking about trying for another.

Yeah. I'm graceful under pressure.

Despite my incoherence, I did manage to book an appointment for next Thursday.

NEXT Thursday.

Holy sh*t.

I know it doesn't mean we're doing something next Friday so I don't need to totally panic yet, but it does mean we're moving forward. Or talking about moving forward. On Thursday.

Tonight at dinner I asked hubby, "so, really, you're ready to add ANOTHER child to this equation?"

"Yeah! I really think I am!"

Wow. What, not enough chaos in our lives right now, then?

But, that's the kind of optimistic thinking that could really get me in trouble, frankly. I mean, I'm already talking as if deciding to "try" means that we'll get to take home a real, live baby in the imminent future.

It's cute how naive I've gotten again, isn't it?

Of course, all of this talk is really premature given that I haven't had AF since June of '07. Yeah, that's right. Since my IVF cycle.

Is that normal?! The stickies are more than 9 months old. Don't get me wrong, I'm LOVING the hiatus. I don't miss her ugly mug one bit. But still. I can't help but wonder: is something amiss?

I'll definitely update after my visit to Smirky's office. I still can't say I really know what I think of all this. I guess my biggest fear is getting drawn back into the vortex of cycling and HPTs, OPKs, betas, shots, waiting, wondering, hoping, and disappointment.

But, one step at a time. I'll just talk to Smirky and figure out what this whole FET entails and how long after I get AF for the first time we need to wait before diving in.

Madness. Happy madness (for now), but madness nonetheless.

6 comments:

Coffeegrl said...

My daughter just turned 11 months old. We went through 14 months of ups and downs (okay who am I kidding --way more downs) trying to get pregnant. Sperm analysis wasn't good and yet somehow we were lucky enough to get a DIY baby - no clue how or why....Still, now that we're talking about baby #2, and the fear of that emotional roller coaster all over again, I dread it already. I adore my daughter and want her to have a sibling, but don't want to be bummed out infertile mama while trying to parent. *sigh* Basically, I TOTALLY hear where you're coming from....

Waiting Amy said...

It is funny how that naive outlook creeps back in. This month I had some blatant signs of ovulation and actually starting thinking about timed events and possible pregnancy -- how silly am I!?

Wishing you a good consult. Whatever happens, I know you guys can do it!

anna said...

I just got my period a few days ago for the first time since our IVF cycle, and I've totally weaned the babes off the breast feeding as of this week. I'm guessing you haven't seen your lovely monthly visitor yet because you're still breast feeding/ pumping so much. Yeah, when my period arrived, I naively thought, hmmmm... guess we can start trying the DIY way sometime soon and actually for a split second thought of the potential of a 3rd babe arriving 9 months later- silly me! I guess the optimism creeps back oh so quickly. I'm rooting for you guys and can't wait to here what the RE thinks.

Bean said...

FWIW, I didn't get my period until my daughter was 10 months old, and I was only nursing one baby, not too.

Sarah said...

YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!! i know it's completely selfish of me to want you in this with me but i'm SOOO excited to hear this!! oh yeah and also happy for you whatever course you take, blah blah blah. but yay for me!!

i got my first period at about 10-11 months too, which was when nursing seemed to majorly decrease for us as solid meals took over.

Ms. Planner said...

Oh sister! I echo exactly what Coffeegrl says. And I also haven't had AF since we conceived Missy in Sept 07. I want to start trying again soon but I do not want to be the unhappy, infertile mommy either. Does that mean I am not ready? And who am I kidding that we won't struggle like we did trying to get pregnant with Missy. ARGH!!!!

Can't wait to hear what Smirky sez.