Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Af-watch, Day ???

I know what you're probably thinking, "so, sticky drops this 'oh, we might think about going in for our FET' on us then just disappears? What the hell?"

Well, the deal is that I have reduced (somewhat reluctantly) to two pumping sessions a day. Once in the morning when I pump/nurse monkey girl, and once at night. And, miraculously, my supply isn't dropping as quickly as I would have thought. I'm still pumping somewhere between 26-32 ounces/day. And, I'm assuming that's why, 11 months out, AF still hasn't reared her ugly mug.

Funny, isn't it? I stressed about keeping my supply up for so long and now see that it was better than I initially thought. (Either that or my 8x/day pumping has supercharged it. Either way...)

Live and learn.

I'm still conflicted about weaning. On the one hand, since I now see that it will take a little while, I think it's good I'm starting because I will want to do the FET within the next few months. But on the other hand, it feels like a big transition that I feel somewhat unprepared for. I mean, it feels like a symbolic shift from babyhood to toddlerhood. My babies won't be my babies anymore. And, while I'm so excited about what's to come, I'm also really sad at what we'll be leaving behind. They're so smooshy and cute and little. It's hard to believe they won't be like that anymore. I really want to bottle them up and remember every second of this time because I really feel how very precious it is.


Anyhow, that's why I've been mute for so long. Well, that and the fact that work is ridiculous, which, coupled with the stickies means I haven't had time for much of anything. I've actually seriously considered quitting my job several times. Or having the "I'm going part time" conversation with my boss. But, with the economy being what it is, it feels crazy to deliberately put us at risk. (And, really, I can't afford to quit. Part time, yes. No job? No chance!)

So, that's that. I do have several posts in my head, including one about how a guy that I work with, who went through years of infertile hell, just had a HEARTBREAKING adoption experience. Ugh. It was awful. Made me realize (even more) how lucky we are. I really never will understand how unfair it all is, this journey to parenthood.

So for now, I'll focus on our good fortune and think about planning the stickies' first birthday party. Can you even believe that?



Sarah said...

sadly, they're going to be toddlers either way so you might as well move on to the next stage too. at least then you can think about having cute little squishies again.I know it will be so much harder when i feel like i'm seeing my last one grow up.

i can't believe your supply!!

Ms. Planner said...

I so hear you on the weaning thing. And am so with you.

On one hand, I want Missy to nurse as long as she'll go with it because it is so good for her brain development (well, I hope she's not nursing when she's like in preschool but you get my drift). On the other, I want to start trying for #2 because I am no spring chicken and not getting any younger. Sigh.

anna said...

So good to hear from you! Can you believe that we're swiftly approaching the first birthday?! It's ridiculous! I hear ya on wanting to make every second of this squishy cuteness last as long as it can.