Sunday, June 21, 2009

D-Day minus 3

The 1.5 ww hasn't been horrible. I've definitely kept my mind off things, which has made it go by *relatively* quickly. I fear that the last three days (two days?) will be a little more tortuous, though. And on Wednesday morning, I'll have the inevitable "to test or not to test" before the beta question. I was at CVS last night and almost bought one, but didn't. I guess maybe I just didn't want the temptation.

I remember really stressing over the "to test or not to test" question last time. I again REALLY live in fear of seeing a stark white stick. I hate those damn things. Or seeing the "not pregnant" digital. I hate those, too.

Last time I ended up testing. And of course it was fine because...well, because it was fine. But it's hard to picture what that drive to the clinic would have been like without the positive. I mean, if I test Wednesday morning and it's negative, will I really feel like driving all the way down to get blood drawn just to confirm the result?! Ugh. That will just be a nightmare.

I also (unsurprisingly) really just don't know what to think this time around. I can't say that I have a feeling one way or another. I have no symptoms, not that you ever do this early. So, we'll see how quickly these last few days go.

So, I guess all in all, not too much to report. Fingers still crossed, but cynicism still abounds. Hang on, stickcicles.

5 comments:

Sarah said...

you gave me a small panic last week when you posted something on FB about going out for drinks to commiserate, but then i realized i was reading infertile meaning where it didn't belong. seems you're hanging onto your sanity reasonably well, hope it stays!

pee sticks are my sworn enemy, i believe they are truly evil, but i still always test before beta. i would rather go into the clinic knowing (good or bad) than not. i never could stand to get the news from some random nurse over the phone. i'd rather find out in the privacy of my own bathroom and prepare to steel myself for the "official" news. of course the happy experiences with pee sticks were preferable, but even with all the failed IUIs i was always just glad i knew.

aretheytwins said...

Praying the stickcicles hang on for a 9 month ride!

cowboyboot lady said...

Fingers crossed!!! Wishing you good thoughts!

anna said...

I also couldn't make it and peed on a stick before my beta last time. Regardless, I hope all goes well and am on pins and needles waiting to hear your news. Hold on sticksicles!!!

Peaches said...

Avoid the sticks- I think they cause more anxiety than comfort...
Wishing you a nive high Beta tomorrow :)