Saturday, July 18, 2009

Still waiting...

Sorry for keeping you hanging for almost the entire 2ww! Work has been insane to the tune of working weekends, ridiculously long nights, etc. And, on top of that, I've never been more exhausted in my entire life, so on the rare occasions I haven't been working late, I've been asleep on the couch at 7:30.

Wild times, chez Sticky...

That said, I have found more than enough time to worry about Monday's u/s. I'm nervous. It's not a crippling, all-consuming fear, but rather a dull ache that surfaces when I remember that I'm pregnant.

I've been having some uncomfortable cramping, which hasn't been helping my state of mind, frankly. I just have to hope its nothing, but I can't escape the fear.

And, just to confuse my already muddied mind, I've also been having really vivid dreams that I'm having identical triplets.

Yes, I realize that's impossible (or, at least I think it is), but I'm clearly f'ing terrified of having multiples again. Not that I don't LOVE being a mom of multiples (MoM), I really do. They are so fun. But, the idea of four kids under 2...well, what the F*&K would we do with that?!

Anyhow, I realize I already had an ultrasound and I realize there was only one gestational sac, but because of what happened to Anna during her first pregnancy, I'm taking that u/s as inconclusive until I see what happens on Monday.

It's weird to be terrified about two polar opposite realities at the same time.

Have I mentioned that I hate the uncertainty of early pregnancy? I mean, I prefer it to the alternative, get it.

And so, I'm just trying to distract myself between now and Monday morning. I realize there is essentially nothing I can to to alter the outcome. My fate is sealed and my reality will be revealed to me. All I can do is wait. And hope that the PIO shots are not in vain.

Fingers crossed! I'll update as soon as I can on Monday.


cowboyboot lady said...

You have been busy! Wishing you really good thoughts for Monday!

Life in Eden said...

Hang in there Mrs. Sticky! Everything is going to be just fine. Hoping work lets up soon. Will be watching for an update on Monday.

anna said...

Oh no! I hate that I introduced that worry into your mind. I really shouldn't have said anything...sorry!!!! Just take a deep breath and know that this will work out how it's meant to be, that you're amazing and can handle anything that comes your way, and that your only job right now should be taking good care of yourself and not making yourself crazy! I'll be thinkin of you tomorrow.