Saturday, September 12, 2009

Surfacing

I can't believe it's been almost two months since I posted. I suppose I just don't have much to say. The miscarriage fallout is as it was: I try to think as little of it as possible.

I'm currently 10-11 dpo in our first post-miscarriage DIY cycle. Actually, our first DIY cycle since 2006, I think. More than three years. It's hard to believe how lucky we got back in 2007.

There's not even a shred of hope in me for this cycle. Well, okay, that's a lie. There is a shred. One tiny shred buried deep in the recesses of my mind. But it's so small and pathetic that I think very little of it. In many ways this has been the easiest 2ww ever.

But, all in all, I just don't have much to write. I just don't want--even refuse--to allow myself to get back into the black hole of temping and watching the days. We did do the whole timed s*x thing, but that's it. I haven't even cut out my daily coffee (though it's decaf) or my nightly glass of wine. What's the point, eh?

In other news, I'm potentially three weeks away from quitting my job. Ever since the miscarriage, I've started to revisit all of those old feelings I had when I first went back to work after maternity leave. I'm seeing the days and weeks slipping away, and I'm realizing that I might not have another chance at this with another baby. And so, I started looking around. And my former employer from DC has an opportunity for me that would basically be 75% time, nearly all remote work. If it works out--which I should find out in early October--it might truly give me exactly what we want for our family. Decent pay. Flexible and reduced hours. More time with the kiddos.

Keep your fingers crossed for us. For that anyway.

As for the DIY cycles...well, for those? I guess I would happily accept a miracle. But otherwise am anticipating that we'll need to make a treatment-or-no-treatment decision in the not too distant future.

7 comments:

Life in Eden said...

Hoping the job stuff all falls into place, and perhaps even some other good luck!

Leslie said...

Glad you are well and welcome back. I've missed reading you. Hope the job stuff works out, that would be a dream.

anna said...

I was just thinking about you today! So glad to see that you're doing o.k. The job prospect sounds awesome. I wish I could do remote work for my job, but that's clearly not possible being a psychiatrist! I'm holdin out more hope for your DIY cycles, I think, than you are! I'm tellin ya- keep up your usual wine, coffee, etc. and see what happens- fingers crossed!

E said...

Loving the job prospect. Sounds like a win win win win for sure. I hope it all works out for you! As for the DIY cycle, let me say a belated, "Bow chick a bow wow" and let you know I'm crossing my fingers for an infertacle (infertile miracle, of course). It's late. I've only had Tecate for dinner. I'll stop now. Just know I'm thinking about you and hoping for the best on all fronts. xo

Ms. Planner said...

Good to hear from you!

I have my fingers crossed for you regarding the new gig.

And for the DIY.

Thinking of you...

Sarah said...

wow, i can't believe it's been two months either. sounds like you've got a healthy approach to the DIY cycle. the infertacle cracked me up, its so great i'm even willing to hope for one just to give the word some merit.

good luck with the job, if it does bring you back to DC we have to get together! we can sit sadly on the curb outside the heartless office building that has replaced crowbar and feel really glad that our lives have moved on.

Michele said...

sending big hugs and crossed fingers...