Wednesday, October 07, 2009

I need a pep talk

It's one thing to wish for something. It's quite another to actually get it.

I got the job. The tentative offer came through today, we are just working through some salary/benefits questions before the deal is signed, sealed...

And so now the dull ache in the pit of my stomach grows. I switched around my schedule so I could go into the city to meet with my boss tomorrow. I wanted to tell him in quick order--before the offer was formal and official so I could still plausibly say: "I haven't accepted this and am not quite sure what to do, but wanted to tell you as soon as I could."

The lie is white--I didn't quite tell him RIGHT away, but let's call it close enough.

Can I tell you how STRESSED I am about possibly leaving my current job? I just don't actually know how it's going to work. I feel like I'm screwing them. I lead the biggest team in the organization and several things that are central to our operation. And my team is short-staffed as it is. And my boss (the CEO) is way overextended.

I get that that's not my problem and that they'd do what they need to do, but still. I feel super stressed about it.

There is a backstory that suggests I shouldn't care about all of that. My boss has done some pretty damn selfish things over the course of the past four years--things he actually readily admitted to in a coincidentally-timed meeting we had last week--but I can't help but care. I love my team, and I worry that they'll put this other woman--someone who I know I would NEVER work for myself because she's a bit of a tyrant--in charge of my team when I leave. And that stresses me out.

I still feel like I just need to do this. The job would be 75% time, which would basically mean I'd be cutting my hours in half because I'm currently working 50-65 hours/week (and this would be about 30). I'd be able to work from home 100% of the time--a double-edged sword, I'm sure, but a happy challenge compared to the ridiculous schedule we're trying to juggle right now. And I just kind of hate my job these days. Not all of the time, but a good part of it.

I am going in to have a conversation with my boss tomorrow. I'm not officially quitting, but putting it out there that I'm damn close. I dread this! But am hopeful that if I can get through it, it will be for the better.

So, yeah. I need a pep talk. Desperately!


anna said...

Sticky, First off- you're amazing! To be such a sought after success in that world is truly awe-inspiring, at least to me. Secondly, I think it helps to think of this as not something you're doing for yourself but for your kids. They'll be so much happier seeing their mama more often, and this'll be such a gift as you watch your little ones grow. I'm currently struggling with my job situation as well and would kill for a set up like you'll have, except that I know I could never work 100% from home as a psychiatrist! Anyhow, it's nice of you to be preparing your boss, but not really's more for you than for your boss. This new chapter for you is awesome- CONGRATS!

Ms. Planner said...

Yay! I just knew you would get the job.

Someone once told me this, and it is true: a job doesn't love you back. You can pour everything you have into one and it never will return the devotion. Your children on the other hand...

That being said, working from home is easy but it is not a god send. I know firsthand. It is lonely. You miss your co-workers. Sometimes it is hard to concentrate when Missy is crying in the next room when the nanny rocks her to sleep for a nap. But then, the nanny leaves and we get to dash out together for a walk or a snuggle in the middle of the day and - gosh!- I just think I am the luckiest woman in the world.

I am sure you will, too.

Michele said...

I had similar angst when I resigned from my job in May. But you hit the nail on the head: this isnt your issue. Yes, you care for your staff and you want them well supervised, but you also have to look out for you. This sounds like such an amazing opportunity. All in all: if your current company decided to cut your position, they would. It's not personal; just business. Your leaving is not personal, it is business.

Congrats on getting the job! That is great news!!!

serenity said...

Okay. Here's the deal. The thing about business is that it's BUSINESS. Means that no matter how personally involved you are - I mean seriously, you're a MOM and you're working 50-60 hour weeks? - they're going to do fine without you. They'll realize how great it was to HAVE you, but they will survive.

You have to do what's right for YOU. The business will NOT do that for you.

You need to walk into the meeting with your boss and tell him that you have another job offer and you're accepting it. Because you're at a point in your life where you need to focus on your family. Because it means more flexibility and it's better for YOU. That you've loved working there, and you are so thankful for all the opportunities they gave you, but you need to move on.

Tell them you're available to transition every project you've got going and are willing to be available by phone if they have questions after you leave. But leave it at that.

End of story.

I promise you they WILL be okay.

Congratulations, by the way!!! This is a great move. :)


serenity said...

( could I be more bossy in my last comment? Sorry!)

Michele is right. The thing with business? They've been taking advantage of your devotion to them. That's what business is about - in fact, you're a dream to your boss, because you care and are invested - to the extent that you're seriously WORRIED about what leaving will do to them.

Gets me all riled because I bet you anything if something happened, they'd lay you off without even thinking about it.

Business is business. I really commend you for caring about what happens when you're gone... but they will be okay. You have to look after yourself and what's best for you and your family.

Anyway. *stepping off soapbox*

Best of luck with today's meeting. Thinking about you over here!