Sunday, September 20, 2009

On twins and napping

I haven't become fully immersed in the twin blogosphere, but because our very own Erin is a contributor, I do read "How Do You Do It" from time to time. It's definitely fun to read the exploits of other twin moms--other people who fundamentally get how challenging it can be to have two kids the same age. (And why it isn't exactly the same thing even as Irish Twins.)

It's also fun to read how other moms deal with some of the challenges of raising twins. How they get out of the house. (IF! they get out of the house--I don't know about any other twin moms, but it's still a three ring circus trying to get out of this house.) How they handle napping, sleeping, potty training, and on.

Anyhow, I was reading the other day and one mom was lamenting that her twins are voluntarily deciding to sleep in separate rooms. I totally get why she's sad about it.

It's funny, from the beginning, so many people questioned our sanity over the decision to put the Stickies in the same room. Why would we jeopardize their sleep and naps like that? Wouldn't it be so much easier to have them in separate rooms?

I can't say the decision was fully rational, but I was always hell-bent on keeping them together. I just thought it was better. I like the idea of room sharing in general, and for some reason with twins it just felt wrong to split them up.

Now that they're 18 months (tomorrow!) I can honestly say we're so happy that they sleep together. And they are so happy, too. They LOVE being together at night. They have a whole nighttime routine after we put them to bed--we can hear them giggling for a few minutes over the monitor before they doze off. And when Monkey Girl wakes up in the middle of the night (which thankfully rarely happens), I know she's comforted by having Sweet Potato there. (As evidenced by the time she woke up in the middle of the night and deliberately woke him up to have company. She literally cried and poked to wake him. As soon as he woke, she laid right back down and fell fast asleep. Cute, but poor little SP. It's hard being a twin sometimes, I guess.)

Good lord, I'm rambling.

Anyhow, for naps they haven't been sleeping together for a while. SP dropped his nap at 10 months (!!!) and was down to one nap a day since then. MG was NOWHERE NEAR ready to go down to one nap a day at that point. So, they slept separately because they were on two different schedules. That was until June (at 15 months) when we decided to push MG onto the one nap a day schedule. (It was literally impossible to go anywhere when they were on separate schedules--there was a baby asleep from 9am until literally 4pm everyday. It was ridiculous.)

But, as we were transitioning her to the one nap a day schedule, we still napped them separately because during their transition, their naps started to blend. So MG napped in the nursery and SP in the pack-n-play in the guest room. And it seemed to be going pretty well--one would typically cry out for a minute mid-nap or wake up earlier--so we just kept it. Why fix what ain't broken.

Then, over the past few weeks, a few things have happened. First, they wake up within seconds of each other on most days. (It's actually incredible; it's like they have sonar. They aren't even on the same floor so couldn't possible hear each other!) Second, lately as we've been putting them down, they've basically started asking to sleep together. SP points to his crib and wants to get in. And MG points to his crib because she wants him there. (It's awfully cute, actually. I'll ask MG: "Do you want SP to sleep here today?" "Yes! Yes!" she'll say.)

So, today, we finally gave in. SP hasn't been sleeping as well in the PNP anymore, and truthfully I'm just really glad they are comforted by each other and actually want to sleep in the same room. It's very sweet.

Of course, if they start waking each other after 30 minutes, I might be singing a different tune, but for now, assuming it isn't a total disaster, it seems worth it.

Fingers crossed!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Lies this blogger tells you

I said I wouldn't let myself get pulled back into this nonsense. It's just simply not true. It's unavoidable. A bunch of people have announced pregnancies at work--due dates right around when I would have been due. And AF arrived today, punctuated with a negative HPT about an hour before she came. (Why I bothered, I'll never know...) I can't help it. I feel sad and crappy and left behind. Again. True, the sting is less, but it still stings.

God, do I not want to be here. I told hubby today I just wanted to go back to Smirky and figure out what the right treatment next steps would be. We should have one insurance-covered IVF left. (Hooray for this state's insurance laws!) I think I might just go for it as our last hope. I can't see spending months on DIY. It's too mentally and emotionally draining.

Of course, treatment is no easy decision either. But, we've decided we'd like another. Yes, given the option, I'd prefer one conceived naturally, but perhaps it's worth the risks and the treatment for one last shot. One last hope.

I'll likely call tomorrow to set up a consultation. And we'll just go from there...

F*cking infertility.

Still crossing my fingers on the job front!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Surfacing

I can't believe it's been almost two months since I posted. I suppose I just don't have much to say. The miscarriage fallout is as it was: I try to think as little of it as possible.

I'm currently 10-11 dpo in our first post-miscarriage DIY cycle. Actually, our first DIY cycle since 2006, I think. More than three years. It's hard to believe how lucky we got back in 2007.

There's not even a shred of hope in me for this cycle. Well, okay, that's a lie. There is a shred. One tiny shred buried deep in the recesses of my mind. But it's so small and pathetic that I think very little of it. In many ways this has been the easiest 2ww ever.

But, all in all, I just don't have much to write. I just don't want--even refuse--to allow myself to get back into the black hole of temping and watching the days. We did do the whole timed s*x thing, but that's it. I haven't even cut out my daily coffee (though it's decaf) or my nightly glass of wine. What's the point, eh?

In other news, I'm potentially three weeks away from quitting my job. Ever since the miscarriage, I've started to revisit all of those old feelings I had when I first went back to work after maternity leave. I'm seeing the days and weeks slipping away, and I'm realizing that I might not have another chance at this with another baby. And so, I started looking around. And my former employer from DC has an opportunity for me that would basically be 75% time, nearly all remote work. If it works out--which I should find out in early October--it might truly give me exactly what we want for our family. Decent pay. Flexible and reduced hours. More time with the kiddos.

Keep your fingers crossed for us. For that anyway.

As for the DIY cycles...well, for those? I guess I would happily accept a miracle. But otherwise am anticipating that we'll need to make a treatment-or-no-treatment decision in the not too distant future.