Wednesday, December 30, 2009

366

I wa of course hoping for better than 400, but the beta came back at 366. Which is fine: a doubling time of just under two days. So, I live to see another day. I go back Monday, at which point I should be over 2,000. And, assuming that's right, I should have an ultrasound next week.

Fingers remain tightly crossed.

Monday, December 28, 2009

162

Thanks to everyone who's been checking in and for your well wishes! I'm happy to report that I'm officially pregnant--I HOPE for the long haul.

I was on pins and needles all day waiting for my beta. Today is 16dper, so I was really hoping for something greater than 250. (I wish I knew less about these fucking numbers so that I'd just be happy with the damn positive and not cloud it with all of this hyperanalysis!) Anyhow, the beta came back at 162. Technically within the normal range, whatever that means, but definitely lower than I wanted, greedy wench that I am. :-)

I go back in Wednesday for another beta. I have to say that I kind of wish I didn't go in again until later this week or next. I'm not entirely convinced that every-other-day monitoring does much more than give me additional fodder to freak out over every detail. I mean, I think we all know that they aren't going to do anything until my first ultrasound, which I assume will be next week, when they verify that the pregnancy is intrauterine. Last time my numbers started lower than I would have liked, but rebounded and doubled really nicely by the end. But the outcome was crap, obviously. So, I've basically lost interest in monitoring. (Of course, because they ARE monitoring, I absolutely will overanalyze and overthink every blood draw. How could I not!)

For now, I'm just so grateful to have passed step 1. As hubby always says, you can't have a baby without a first positive and a first number. So, we've cleared the first hurdle. Now, I just want to fast-forward to the all-important heartbeat ultrasound, which my clinic does at about 7.5 weeks. Three LONG weeks from now. Distractions welcome.

In the meantime, I'm going to try to just be excited about the possibility of a happy ending with a happy sticky bean. Come on l'il bean! :-)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Welcome home, little ones

Transfer today went well. Er...well, transfer today...happened, as scheduled. (It's hard to know how to judge the transfer without knowing the outcome!)

Our two little embryos were still hanging on, though one definitely looked better than the other. One was a 4-cell, grade 2.5 and one was an 8-cell, grade 1.5. Those numbers meant nothing to me, so I asked what they usually want to see on day 3, and Smirky said, "two 8-cell grade 1." So, we have at least one that looks reasonably good. Sarah did talk me down by reminding me that these grading systems aren't particularly "scientific," frustrating as that is.

But, now they're nestled back in where they belong, hopefully for the long haul.

The 2ww will be excruciating, as always. Doubly so because my beta should be next Friday. But, next Friday is December 25, so I have to wait until the 28th for my beta. Ugh! Three extra days! At least we'll be busy until the 25th. But the 26th-27th will be torturous. What are the chances I wait to take an HPT?

Anyhow...in order to facilitate some relaxation, I canceled the trip to DC I had scheduled for tomorrow. It just seemed like more chaos than we need right now. I had to cancel some meetings, but whatever. This is more important than any stupid meeting.

So, there you have it. Suggestions for distractions between now and the 18th welcome. And, continual positive vibes appreciated. I need to hope for the best for my little sticky jrs. Come on, l'il guys! :-)

Monday, December 14, 2009

Dwindling numbers...

We're down to two embryos today, so I'm going in for transfer tomorrow at noon.

It's getting hard to keep my spirits up with the continual gray news. I mean, I know in my head it only takes one, but still. I can't help but worry even about the quality of the two we've got left.

Thanks for the continued support. Keep the positive vibes coming as we transfer the sticky jrs tomorrow.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

And then there were three...

I got the fertilization report this afternoon--three of the eggs fertilized, so we're looking at a day 3 transfer (Tuesday). I have to admit to being a little disappointed. Last cycle, I kept getting pleasantly surprised by having our expectations exceeded.

Last time, we were expecting 5-6 eggs, hoping for 7-8, but got 10. Then 8 of the 10 fertilized. Then they all grew out to day 5 and we had two cute ones to transfer with two to freeze. It was really one pleasant surprise after another. This cycle...not so much. (I know I shouldn't compare, it's just hard not to. And I am a little disconcerted by how different these two cycles look. I mean, for the love of god, I'm not THAT much older!!)

But, hopefully the three embryos are great quality. I realize that's what matters. If they're all three looking GREAT tomorrow, they might extend me to a day 5 transfer. But in all likelihood, it'll be Tuesday.

Either way, I just hope there's a keeper in there. :-)

Come on, l'il embryos! Grow!

Saturday, December 12, 2009

Waiting... **updated

I'm sitting in the hospital waiting fo retrieval. My clinic is affiliated with a huge university center in the city, so my last retrieval took place downtown in a much bigger, more impersonal center.

Since then, the University has built a satellite full service lab in the hospital where I delivered the stickies. What a difference! This hospital is swank to begin with, and the setting is so intimate by contrast. I have my own room with a TV where I can lie down, under covers, watching TV while I wait.

Oh, and there is wifi. :-)

I will take it as a good sign that the first channel I turned to was playing "Miracle," one of my favorite movies.

Miracle indeed, we hope. I'll keep you posted.

**Update
Retrieval went well. We got 6 eggs, which was about as many as we could have hoped for. We can't be certain they're all mature and fertilizable, so we need to wait until tomorrows all-important fertilization report. I forgot how this process makes you feel like you're sitting on pins and needles every step of the way. Come on, l'il eggs and sperm. Do your thing!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Triggered...

I forgot how stressful the HCG injection was! So much pressure. The timing, the dose. It all has to be exact with no room for error. Eek. Hopefully all was well (despite the fact that we were 9 minutes late.)

Retrieval is Saturday morning, 10am. I'm so nervous. Wish us luck!

And, I'll take that cheerleading! I think the l'il eggos could use it!

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Limping towards retrieval...

I had another scan and bloodwork this morning. My E2 level has finally eeked it's way above 1,000--on day THIRTEEN of stims. !!! And there are a handful of follies. It's like waking the dead in my ovaries--it's like there ARE eggs in there, it just takes a pickaxe, shovel, and 60 gallons of men0pur to find them.

Unfortunately, there is still one follie that has taken the lead--22-23mm. That one is ready to go, really, but Smirky is trying to let the others bake another day or two before trigger in the hopes that some of the smaller ones will catch up. It's a risky game, but I trust him.

So, I think he wants me to stim tonight and tomorrow, but I go back tomorrow, I assume to see if that's possible or whether I just need to trigger tomorrow.

I'm definitely glad that it looks like we'll make it to retrieval. This is our last shot at an IVF, so I definitely wanted to give it our all and get as far as possible.

And, for now, we'll just take it one step at a time...

Saturday, December 05, 2009

The update that wasn't

So, as of yesterday, my E2 was around 170ish and I didn't have a single follicle over 10mm. Day EIGHT of stims.

That can't be a particularly good sign, huh?

I really don't have a lot to say about all of this. I was a slow responder last time, too, but by this point I at least had 4-5 follies at around 12mm. So, I'm even behind that ridiculously slow lead-up.

As Smirky said yesterday, I'm not out of the woods. Nowhere near. I go back Monday for another u/s and b/w. I have to hope that a bunch of the 7-8mm follies have grown or I fear I'm eerily close to a canceled cycle.

And that's the news from chez sticky. Let's hope for better news Monday or I'm going to have seriously regretted doing an IVF cycle during the Christmas season!