Saturday, September 18, 2010

A happy ending

The ice cream truck doesn't frequent our neighborhood. When I was little, I seem to remember seeing the ice cream man frequently. In this neighborhood, I think I've seen him three times in total.

The first time was more than three years ago. I was about a week from starting stims for my first IVF and I was a mess of emotions. Conflicted, dejected, confused. The works. But that day, as I was feeling sorry for myself, hubby heard that horrid, canned music that only an ice cream truck can produce. (Why, exactly, is that music SO awful?) As soon as he heard it, he ran outside and bought us both ice cream. And it was so cute and made me happy.

Today, for only the second time in the five years we've lived here, we got ice cream from the ice cream truck. But today, hubby and I didn't eat any. Instead, I sat on the curb, my new son cradled, sleeping, in a baby bjorn and my beloved stickies absolutely enamored with the idea of getting ice cream. From a TRUCK! With RAINBOW sprinkles!

So, I just sat there and cried, my heart absolutely bursting with gratitude and love.

Throughout my journey with IF, I felt very sorry for myself quite frequently. Looking back, it feels so silly. So many people have been through so much worse. and in hindsight, the time we spent going through IF seems so insignificant compared with the joy I've felt since. I'll never know or understand why some people have things so easy, why others struggle, and why still others have to go through more pain and heartache than I can possibly imagine. But, those aren't questions I spend time contemplating anymore. Not like I used to. And for that, I'm so grateful.

Instead, I'm closing the door on this chapter of my life. In fact, as part of my c-section, I had my tubes tied. Can you imagine? Permanent birth control? Seems silly, really, since we couldn't conceive on our own for anything. But, frankly, I wanted the finality. I don't ever want to wonder "am I??" ever again. I don't want to pee on a stick. I don't want to wonder about late periods or symptoms. We have three beautiful children. Three years ago, as we ate our ice cream together, I never could have imagined that we'd be this lucky. And now it's time to move on.

I will likely not come back to this space. This is a catalog of a journey that has ended. Happily. Thank you for following me and supporting me. I can only hope that I've been able to support someone else as I've been supported here.

And, to anyone who stumbles upon this blog or who has followed my journey with me, I wish you much happiness and love.

Friday, September 03, 2010

And now, none of that matters

We're happy to welcome our new addition to the Sticky family. He was born at 10:40am today and weighs 10lbs 1oz and is 22 inches long. (So, while I may have been able to push him out just fine, they were certainly right on the money with his size.)

He's beautiful and we're both in love. I did have the c-section, but it's over and I can just focus on the future.

I feel happy We are so lucky, and very truly blessed.