Monday, January 18, 2010

Exhale...

I have to say, I think I grow about 50 extra gray hairs in the 10 minutes between getting called back for the ultrasound and when we actually see something on the monitor. Today was no different. My heart was literally pounding out of my chest. It was RACING. I just wanted to get on with it because, at this point, I just wanted an answer. (Well, okay, I wanted a particular answer, but you get it.)

Smirky inserted the wand and very quickly poked around to see a lovely, beating heart. 148bpm--the exact same as one of the stickies back at that 7.5 week ultrasound.

I cried. It was like the release of 7 weeks worth of built-up tension. I have to admit that, while I did let hope in, I was having trouble envisioning anything but another "I'm sorry but..." conversation.

So, we're going to start the PIO weaning process this week--HOORAY for that. And I need to make an appointment with my OB to officially transfer me into their care.

I know better than to think this means we just sail smoothly to the happy delivery of a healthy baby, but it's certainly a good step in that direction.

I guess my next big milestone isn't until the nuchal scan, which if memory serves doesn't happen until about 11 or 12 weeks. It's going to be a long way until then!

D-Day

T-minus 70 minutes until the ultrasound. It's hard for me to sort out my feelings right now. It's a mixture of nervous, resigned, hopeful, and petrified. No matter what, this is the big one. A day rivaled only by beta #1 for it's meaning and finality.

Fingers tightly crossed for a heartbeat.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Reassuring

I remember the 5.5 week ultrasound from the FET this summer vividly. Smirky was almost silent. He poked around, showed that there was one sac. Looked for a yolk sac, took a few measurements, and said that we should come back in two weeks.

I remember asking if everything looked okay. He didn't say much, other than "there isn't much to see at this ultrasound." We were mainly confirming that the pregnancy was intrauterine, he cooly explained.

I left that ultrasound feeling pretty crappy--I remember talking to the nurse that afternoon and specifically asking about the yolk sac. Did it mean something ominous when we didn't see one? She took out my chart and explained that there was a small one, and there was nothing diagnostic that they could tell from that ultrasound, other than to confirm the presence or absence of an intrauterine pregnancy.

In hindsight, I realize that Smirky was being deliberately cautious. He never said, but I suspect he had doubts about that pregnancy from that day.

I'm happy to say that his demeanor today lies in stark contrast to the Smirky who scanned me this summer. He inserted the wand and we instantly saw the gestational sac and a clear, distinct yolk sac. He pointed them both out happily as he took measurements. I asked if things looked okay and he said, "everything is exactly as it should be. The measurements are perfect." For Smirky, that's high praise.

I go back in two weeks for the all-important heartbeat scan. I know we're nowhere near out of the woods yet, but I have to say that I feel better than I did at this point last time. I feel...hopeful.

Come on, l'il sticky jr! Hang in there. (Please.) You have two parents and two siblings who want nothing more than to meet you.

Monday, January 04, 2010

3,607

The levels continue to rise nicely--my level was 3,607 today (23dper). I wanted better than 3,000, so feel pretty good about that.

They're bringing me in for an ultrasound tomorrow--I was sort of hoping to wait a few days so there would be fewer days between this ultrasound and the all-important heartbeat ultrasound, which I assume will be roughly two weeks from tomorrow or Wednesday. But, it will be good to get a glimpse at things tomorrow to see how it's going.

All in all, I'm feeling almost hopeful today. Come on, sticky jrs!

(PS: I realize these updates have become quite utilitarian. I'll try to be more clever soon. :-)